Saturday, July 25, 2009

Umbrella Wars

As the drops fall from and the umbrellas emerge, so do their deadly eye poking spurs.Walking down the street proves to be a challenge when yielding an umbrella and having to navigate through the sea of rain shields.

The city should start an Umbrella War Challenge. Everyone races down Broadway with umbrellas up. The first one to the end wins.

I imagine you’d have five key types of players.

1.The “I’m really tall” guy who will hold his umbrella high as possible hoping to make it through the race without too much maneuvering based on his sheer height.

2.The "Tank" will hold his umbrella tight at his given height and plow through all on coming umbrellas. When two Tanks collide, there is bound to be bloodshed.

3.The “Hoodie on my Head” guy. He didn’t really intend to play the game, and he doesn’t even have an umbrella. He will take advantage of his lack of umbrella to quickly bob and weave throughout the crowd, often speed walking in the street to avoid the umbrella masses.

4.The "Spinner" is similar to the tank, but he has decided to sacrifice dryness in exchange for intimidation. He has watched far too many video game based movies and decided it would be a good idea to take his umbrella down and hold it in front of his torso and spin it, much like the Penguin in Batman.

5.The "Upper and Downer" guy will attempt to evaluate which type of player you are and then adjust the height of his umbrella accordingly. If he thinks you’re staying up, he’ll go down. These players are the most dangerous due to their unpredictable nature and sudden jerky movements.

I’m not sure which character would win, but I think one of those Japanese-style game shows should consider Umbrella Wars as a possible event.

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