Oh Ryan

Human emotions are too confusing; it’s no wonder people constantly misinterpret signals. Tears of sadness mistaken for joy and frightful screams interpreted as excitement. I learned this the hard way when I was mobbed by a hungry pack of tween girls looking for skater/MTV heartthrob, Ryan Sheckler.

After watching the mob for four days at the AST Dew Tour, I’ve complied a sliding scale of tween screams.

The area of the shaded space below the curve is equal to the irritation emitted from the sum total of screams.

Power behind a giant candy necklace

I’ve always wondered what the colored balls on the power lines were for. In case you were wondering too, they’re put on the wires so low flying planes don’t fly into the power lines, according to unreliable Internet sources.

Edward Scissorhands Lives

Evidence suggesting that Edward Scissorhands is alive was found near Garden World off of I5. Botanists say that the animal-shaped topiaries were altered by a creature yielding stainless steal scissors or shears. Conspiracy theorist say the animal bushes are a signature sign of Edward's work.

Evidence of a Famous J-Kid

While reading Hunter S. Thompson's The Rum Diary, I found a page devoted to history of the typeface used throughout the book. This ode to Berthold Walbaum, the type used in the book, is a true sign that Hunter S. Thompson was a journalism geek.

6 weeks of COLABORATORY in 5 min

A brief overview of how team Lattice tackled COLABORATORY.

I never realized how I use my hands when I talk until I was forced to watch endless footage of our team meetings, no wonder people always ask if I was in dramma in highschool.

Smart SWAG

I handed out these key chains/skateboards/bottle openers at the AST Dew Tour. It’s the first piece of SWAG I’ve seen with mass appeal. Kids love it because it’s a skateboard, parents and kids who think they’re too old for toys like it because it’s a bottle opener.

Wallflowers score free stuff

One Wallflower benefit that I forgot to mention in my “Crash Course Guide to the Wallflower,” is the Wallflower’s ability to scam.

While working at the Wendy’s booth at the AST Dew Tour, several young Wallflowers have scammed their way into over $80 in Wendy’s gift cards. We give the $5 gift cards out to kids who win the games, but we’re supposed to limit them to three wins. However, the kids with generic, mushy faces blur together in my mind and slide by with 16 wins.

Other career options for Wallflowers
1. Spy
2. Burglar
3. Stalker